The Art of the "Maybe"
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)— Let me introduce you to one of the most practical tools we have for navigating OCD and anxiety.
Let’s be real: sitting with uncertainty is one of the hardest things we’re asked to do. That feeling of not knowing, and going out of our way to find an answer that just isn’t coming? I get it. Truly. I’m a person who uses these exact same strategies alongside you. This is a tough one, even for me!
Caught in a Spiral?
Our brains are busy. They only know what we tell and show them. If we tell our brains that we "specialize" in problems and worries, they will go out and find us more of exactly that. Sometimes, our brains tell us lies to keep us "safe."
The Lie: "I need to know for sure so I can relax."
The Truth: "I can never know for sure, and I can handle the feeling of not knowing."
The problem with an anxious brain (or one that has set strict “rules” for obsessive thoughts) is that it will always find a new thought to replace the old one. We never actually get to relax. We might get a moment of relief, but then the worry just gets replaced by a new one, over and over again.
Leaning into the Discomfort
ERP is here to help us break that cycle. It’s about saying "maybe" and accepting that there might not be a "right way" to lock the door, wash your hands, or [insert your particular brand of worry here].
Instead of scratching that mental itch, we practice accepting the sticky feeling of sitting with the unknown. We show our brain that we can handle discomfort without needing to "fix" it.
The "I Don't Need to Know" Cheat Sheet
Keep these on hand for the next time your brain tries to demand an answer.
The 12-Hour Rule: I can go 12 hours without an answer. If that is too long, we can start small. Pick a time and just let it be. The world will keep spinning.
The Brain Capacity Check: I am only one person with one brain. I’ve gone as far as I can with this thought. Without new information; I won’t get any further.
The "Maybe" Script:
Maybe I did make a mistake.
Maybe they like me, or maybe they don't.
Maybe I did something wrong.
The Reality Check: Chasing "certainty" is like chasing a horizon—you’ll never actually reach it. Better to sit down and enjoy the view where you are, even if it's a bit foggy.
